Han Solo

This will probably be disjointed because, well, I feel disjointed right now!  First, some refresher background...

We name our embies.  It's a thing.  Our first cycle we just called them "The Blobs" because that's what they looked like.  After our second fresh cycle (embies dubbed "The Jedi"), we took the 3 day embies we had left from that cycle and went to a different clinic.  At the new clinic, we thawed the ones that were left and cultured to 5 day blasts.  We transferred two "Return of the Jedi" and froze the last remaining one.  It ended up being a day 6 slow grower, but passed their litmus test for freezing.  Then we did a third fresh cycle, had Chipmunk (we transferred three that cycle so they were Alvin, Simon, and Theodore), and now we're back for our final embie.  I introduce you to Han Solo:

You know - he was frozen and thawed out and all.  Seems timely to be continuing the Star Wars theme for this pack of embies about now.

The embryologist felt it had perked up since the thaw and she graded it at A+.  The photo was taken just after the thaw and by the time they put it on the screen just before transfer it had already expanded.  Pretty neat.  We're feeling hopeful.  If this works, Chipmunk will be a big sister to her technically-older sibling. 

Beta isn't until 1/4 with the holiday.  I promised J I wouldn't pee on anything until the New Year.  Chillin' for the afternoon.  Thanks for all of the happy thoughts.

All Systems Go

We are a go for transfer on the 23rd.  They wanted 7mm.  I was 7.1.  There's still mucus in there, but they're letting me go.  SO GLAD!  

Quick funny story.  My hair has been curly since Chipmunk was born.  I decided to chop all of my hair off and rock it.  I'm having a good time.  I walked into the clinic today (without tripping)  and the receptionist said, "I love your hair!"  Phlebotomist said, "I love your hair!"  I'm in the stirrups.  Doc comes in and says, "Sorry I took me so long to get you.  We have another Lisa HapaHopes and she's a patient of Dr. Awesome's too.  I thought she was coming so I was confused.  They are so cool.  They won this video contest and got a scholarship for their daughter.  It was from Ferring and..."  I said, "Dr. M, that's me.  I just got a hair cut."  He laughed so loudly.  I'm pretty sure I signed all of my HIPAA rights away with that video about a billion times over.  I'm just glad they think we're cool.

Can't I Just Go Back To Bed and Try Again Tomorrow?

I had my first monitoring visit for our FET last week. My lining wasn't great, but it wasn't horrible either.  She thought I'd be fine by this week.

Not so much.

My day started when I literally tripped into the clinic.  Yes, literally in the real sense of the word,  not the way people butcher it now.  I somehow walked right on out of my shoes and landed flat on the concrete, cutting my knee and scraping my chin.  That should've been my first clue that today was destined to suck.

My lining has actually shrunk.  What was a 6.5 is now a 4.7 and I still have a bunch of mucus in my uterus.  They pushed back my transfer to the 23rd and I'm adding Vivelle dots.  Two of them twice a week.

I cried the whole way to my office.  As much as I've tried to remain cool, I don't think I really tuned into how emotionally ramped up I was about this cycle.  I can't stop crying.  I can't get it together.  I'm all E2ed up and I can't. stop. crying.  I guess all of this estrogen is just going to my emotions and my ass.  Both seem out of control lately.  I hate FETs.  I think I've mentioned that before.  I also think my lining did this before.  Swell.

I went to fill my prescription.  Insurance apparently only pays for one box a month, not two.  So I filled the one box, cried again, and will hope that the angel nurses at the clinic can fix this shit sometime in the next 15 days so I don't run out of patches and can get them filled before I have a new deductible to tackle.

I hate this.  I hate the drama.  I hate watching my body fail again.  I hate worrying about insurance and money.  I hate over analyzing everything I do.  I hate being sad when I should just be enjoying the holidays with my healthy, happy two year old.  I hate it all.  This SUCKS.  It all just sucks.

And my chin hurts.