The Religion Equation

Read up on this:

http://www.usccb.org/upload/lifegiving-love-age-technology-2009.pdf

I always thought that the church's feelings on reproductive technologies were that IVF is wrong because of the extra embryo factor (which is a problem most people with infertility don't contend with) and because a doctor is creating life and not God (something which I don't believe to be true any more than I believe that I make deaf kids hear without any intercession on God's part).  So when we started this journey, I wasn't really worried about it because I thought that if we needed to go the IVF route, it wasn't immoral in my mind.  We'd been doing NFP, after all.  That was what we were supposed to do.

We are planning an IUI cycle soon.  Apparently, even this is immoral.  The above document is riddled with inaccuracies, untruths, and exaggerations (they actually talk about cloning, for the love).  Based on those factors, my faith, my CULTURE, is telling me that my husband and I do not have a union that is to be blessed by "God's ultimate gift."  It is our job to suck it up and carry our cross.  We can adopt, but medicated cycles is about all we can do to conceive since surgery isn't expected to help in our situation. 

I can't even put everything I'm feeling into words right now.  I can't even really form a coherent thought on the subject.  I just know that I'm overwhelmed enough to sleep in tomorrow.  My butt will not be in a pew.  I started spotting today and my temp dropped.  I don't think I can handle another round of kneeling and begging to be included in the "ultimate gift" club while knowing what is going on in my body.  I can't sit there knowing that the community I am sitting with, the community that has been a central part of my entire life, teaches that God has not afforded me this gift and the only thing I can do about it is pray and pass the Clomid.

I know that my calling is to be a parent and I feel that Mr. Right and I are meant to carry a child.  I don't know how to reconcile this.  I just feel really really lost right now.