Little Boxes

Parenting has opened my eyes to this strange desire that grown ups have to fit their lives and their children's lives into tiny little boxes.  Are you an attachment parent or not?  Do you co-sleep or not?  Breast or bottle?  Soccer or ballet?  SUV or mini-van?  I find myself wanting to jump up and down on all of the little boxes and smoosh them to smithereens.  Infertility totally taught me not to sweat the small stuff and let me tell you, the mommy war crap is way small stuff.

People like to judge us on our sleep choices.  Oh sleep.  You dastardly tempting haven.  Do I think Chipmunk needs to wake up three times a night to nurse?  No.  Once or twice, yes, but I think part of it is because we don't get to spend a lot of time together and she just wants comfort.  I'm not going to deny her food or comfort at this stage of the game.  If I were 7 months old and only had an hour or two with my mom every day, I'd probably wake up for a hug too.  She's only 7 months old.  I repeat, 7 months old.  I have conversations like this every day.

Someone I haven't seen since the baby was born:  "Hey!  How's the baby!"
Me: "She's great!  Growing so fast!"
SIHSSTBWB:   "Is she a good baby?"
Me: (In my head, 'No she's kind of an asshole.  What kind of question is that?') "She's really happy and a lot of fun."
SIHSSTBWB:  "I mean does she sleep?"
Me: "She's not a great sleeper yet."
SIHSSTBWB: "Oh, you have to let her cry."

WHAT THE EVER LOVING HELL?  As soon as I tell them we'd rather not let her cry, I get the "I Know Everything And You Are A Shitty Parent" look.

Ya know what, my kid cannot self soothe while crying.  She starts pulling her hair out.  She can fall asleep on her own just fine in everyday life, but when she's upset, she needs my help or else she will just start escalating.  Crying it out is not for her and it isn't the right thing for our family.  It might be the right thing for you, and that's fine.  I'm certainly not going to make a snap judgement about a family that does let their kid cry it out .  So please don't judge me when I say I'm choosing not to do the whole "cry it out" thing.  I know my family, I know my child.  Don't presume to know for me.  It doesn't mean I molly-coddle her.  It doesn't mean I'm overly permissive.  It just means I want her to keep the little hair she has.

While this crap riles me up, I had a little heart break this weekend watching a friend wade into these waters. They are expecting their first, and this little one wasn't easy to come by.  They were grilling J and me on what baby gear they needed, what baby gear we wish we never bought, what books they need to read, and so one.  I think they were shocked and dismayed by how much time she spends in daycare and the fact that she still doesn't sleep (after all - ALL THE BOOKS and ALL THE FRIENDS say their kids sleep).  I finally just told her what I really think.  No one fits into tiny little boxes, the least of all children.  You don't have to make your kid conform to what some random Ph.D. thinks (and most of the time doesn't really back up with actual research).  Put down the books and follow your gut.  Your instincts will be quite loud.  Do what they say and you'll be just fine.

Something tells me she's still going to read the books and expect everything to fall into its respective tiny box.

Here is a gratuitous Chipmunk photo.  I'm not a fan of putting too many photos of her on here, but you guys were so instrumental in her arrival that I just have to show her to you.  While this one doesn't show her pretty smile or darling eyes, it's still one of my favorites.

She was so mad I took those beads out of her mouth.