My HSG Story

Part of my goal for my blog is to tell my story as it's happening so that other women going through the same thing can get the down low straight from the horse's mouth right after it happens.  So bear with me as I tell the story of my HSG today.

Before I left work, I took the 600 mg of Ibuprofen like my doc told me to do.  I went to the hospital and checked in as instructed.  I was then told to go up to radiology and check in there too.  Hospitals are fun!  I didn't wait too long with the sneezing and coughing people and I was brought back to the fabulous room where women are told to strip down and put on a gorgeous backless gown.  I got to keep my top on, but when you're super short, those giant things are just falling all over and it's a challenge to keep the bootie covered.  Anyway, I sat there in said backless gown for a good 20 minutes.  The only thing to read was "Parenting."  Swell.  Eventually some other women came to wait for their various tests.  They were just having MRIs and didn't need the gowns.  I did however learn from one woman about her Genie Bra.  She doesn't think it's very flattering and I would have to agree.

Finally, a doctor came to get me.  He was really really nice.  He wasn't my RE, but a gynecologist who is part of the fertility clinic I go to.  There was another gyne in the room as well as a tech.  He had me sit on the table and he described everything they were going to do, step by step.  Then I laid down on the X-ray table, bootie on some towels, and assumed the position.  Said position is to have the soles of your feet together and pulled up in a frog position.  18 years of ballet makes me quite talented at this feet.  Gyne #2 (I think he was probably a resident) talked me through everything he was doing.  He put in the speculum, which for some reason seemed larger than the run of the mill speculum.  More "jaws of life" than plain old pap speculum.  It pinched - but they always pinch for me.  He then cleaned off my cervix.  I heard that this part hurts, so I was prepared, but all I felt was a little bump.  He told me he was putting on the device that helps manipulate my cervix and asked me to cough.  That smarted a bit, but it just felt like a quick poke.  Then he put the catheter in.  Surprisingly, that part didn't hurt at all.  I was sure it would.

Here's where the hitch came in.  The radiologist wasn't there yet.  Apparently he was running late.  So here's me, frog positioned, vag akimbo, with three random strangers, waiting for the radiologist.  AWK-WARD!  Gyne #2 (who is "at the position") asks if I'm from the area.  SWEAR!  I said I was originally from St. Louis and the other doc says "Oh!  Beautiful city."  Now, there's a lot of good things to say about my home town, but beautiful isn't one I would use.  Obviously, we're struggling for small talk.  So I said that it would be more beautiful if we could manage to win the world series.  Turns out Gyne #1 is from Texas.  So yes friends, I laid on an x-ray table, naked nether regions with gear protruding, and talked baseball.  A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.  I was only waiting 5 minutes or so when the radiologist came in.  So we're now at a cooter count of 4.  Four strangers who viewed my lady bits today.

I'm pretty sure that you have to fail a personality test to be a radiologist.  I have yet to meet one with more social skills than my houseplant.  Dude didn't even say hello.  If I wasn't so nervous I would have introduced him to my vagina just to be an instigator, but I didn't.  He just asked if we were ready and we got to it.

It really didn't hurt so badly.  It's not something I want to do everyday, or ever again for that matter, but it wasn't as bad as I've seen it described.  I think part of it was that I was so fascinated by what was going on on the screen that I couldn't think about it much.  "Ouch, that's painf... Oh cool!  Look at that!"  Seriously, it's amazing.  Fallopian tubes are way longer, thinner, and curvier than I thought.  What a journey that little eggy has to take.  I'm always in wonder at how anyone ever gets pregnant.

Anyway, when the dye was going in, it felt crampy, but not nearly as bad as period cramps.  It only took a couple of minutes.  Apparently I was bleeding so he had to put the speculum back in and take care of that (the jaws of life speculum was the worst part for me, so twice was not my idea of a good time).  Then Dr. Texas went over everything with me.  Tubes are open, no fibroids or polyps.  I do have a T-shaped uterus and he said my doc will talk to me about whether he thinks it's an issue or not.  Dr. Texas just thinks it's a variation of normal (Dr. Google apparently thinks otherwise, but he also suggests that I must have been born in the 50s or 60s to have such a condition.).  They gave me a pad and some antibiotics and I was on my way.  I've been a little crampy and spotty tonight, but no biggie.

I heard Dr. Personaless, the radiologist, ask how many there were left to do and Dr. Texas said "Two more after Lisa."  I loved that he used my name and didn't just say, "after her."  So when I went back to change, there were two ladies sitting there.  When I came out of the dressing room, I whispered, "It's not that bad."  They both sighed and said thank you.  I hope it wasn't too bad for them either.