I loved this post from The Infertility Therapist on RE waiting rooms. I was thinking about it earlier this week when I ran into an uncomfortable situation at my RE's office.
The elevator won't go all the way up to the RE's office until 7:30 am on the dot. So I was waiting in the lobby the other morning for the clock to strike the magic hour. A couple came in and also waited. Then another couple and finally another woman. We all waited. And waited. We sat there for almost 10 minutes and no one said a word.
Everyone had their noses in their phones, texting or playing Fruit Ninja. I kept thinking about the post from Dr. Rouff. I was making judgements, but sadly they were judgements that hurt myself more than anything. I figured that there were 4 women there, and since we were all there at prime monitoring hour, we were likely all IVF patients. If we were to go with 50/50 IVF odds, two of us would get pregnant and two wouldn't. Since I perceived them all as prettier, slimmer, and more well put together than me, I figured I would be the one out of this group to miss out on the baby lottery. Truly, truly ridiculous, but this was honestly what my subconscious was saying to me.
So I started thinking that I should reach out and be friendly. What a great way to meet local people who are going though the same thing! But what the hell do you say? "What are you in for?" "How are your ovaries feeling this morning?" "What CD are you on?" Okay, okay, I probably could have gone with something like, "How stupid is this whole elevator thing?" but at the time I could only think about the fact that we were all going upstairs to simultaneously drop trou (in separate rooms, mind you).
Got any interesting waiting room stories to share?
September 23, 2012
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I think about this all the time when I'm in the REs waiting room. I also beat myself up saying that this person who is obviously wealthier, prettier, going to a better job, etc is going to get the take home baby while I get the take home Cytotec. I'm relieved I'm not the only one who thinks this stuff.
ReplyDeleteI remember being in the waiting room for our FET. There was another couple there...I knew they were also there for an FET (possibly could have been just a transfer for IVF cycle) because she was downing water. I still hate myself for not saying anything. I wish I would have at least told her and her husband good luck. I still think of here and wonder if things worked out for them. I hope it did and they are happily pregnant right now.
ReplyDeleteI remember waiting for my retrieval one morning and there was a woman there who looked like hell. I wondered if she was hyperstimulating. I was a little annoyed when my appointment got started late - I was hungry and hyped up on hormones! The tech mentioned they had an emergency drain procedure to do and the doctor was just finishing up with that. I had my retrieval and eventually the transfer. And a week later I was the one in for an emergency drain, looking like hell. Someone smiled sympatgetically at me in the waiting room and I suddenly wished I had had the decency to smile at that other woman too when she was the one in the throes of OHSS...
ReplyDeleteI don't have a story, but I always secretly checked out each person in the room. Not so much to judge success or anything, but to see who else is in my position and there were soo so many different types of people races, ages, weights, etc. but whenever the husband was there I knew it was either their first visit or one of the "big" days.
ReplyDeleteYou could probably write a book about re waiting rooms!
I actually starting reaching out to others during my IVF cycle. There were two couples that Grey and I saw consistently, so we got into a routine of smiling and nodding at each other. So days, while waiting for the lab, we would chat too. It actually made the whole experience better. Instead of being alone, we were starting to root for one another.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that, after coming to the same clinic for over 5 years, I have not had the nerve to make small-talk with anyone (although I always wish I could). Occasionally there is a shared chuckle with someone as we leave and file into the same elevator -- along the lines of 'whew! can't get outta there fast enough' But that's it.
ReplyDeleteI also can't decide if I am all "awww" and admiring or hating the cutesy couples who are still all ga-ga together as they come for various appointments, like it's a date or something. You don't see tons of those, but they always catch my eye. I do kinda hate when it's obvious when they're there for a pregnancy scan, because of course I assume they are taking "my" pregnancy away!
Do not get me started on small children being brought to the waiting room, though...
so true - my god it's so awkward. There's a part of me that hates when people bring kids to the waiting room... but then I feel badly that they probably don't have childcare or there's some really dramatic reason why they're here. I've never once spoken to anyone, even though once I saw this woman knitting a really lovely scarf and wished I had said something then - I'm sort of a knitter and it would have been a good in.
ReplyDelete@MrsGreen Grass - so true about the couples. You know when you see them both there they're either just getting started or there for the more serious stuff.
I always just started with hello... it was then easier to see who was in a chatty mood, who wasn't, depending on their response.
ReplyDeleteI always find it very uncomfortable in the waiting room. I have always wanted to say hello to the women I see on a regular basis but have never had the guts! I am guilty of having my nose in my phone!
ReplyDeleteI feel this way too. I want to reach out but am always afraid of rejection. It's like high school trying to make new friends.
ReplyDeleteThis is so true. I finally found myself in a conversation with two other ladies just the other day. We talked about our ages and how IVF has been going for us. It was the best visit I've had in over 2 years! I saw one of the same ladies again today at my retrieval appointment and she remembered me, gave my arm a squeeze and said,"good luck!" It was a great feeling knowing I made a connection for once.
ReplyDeleteI don't really have any interesting waiting room stories (yet) but I will say I have wondered the same thing about the people in the waiting room...Why are we all sitting there so quietly, not making eye contact with anyone else? Wouldn't it be better to strike up conversations with each other and provide support?
ReplyDeleteloved this post and the discussion around it... :-)
ReplyDelete