Sometimes I think that I've already called in all of my favors
or used all of my wishes. I can't ask for anything else when I already
have so much.
I woke up in the middle of the night, rolled over, and saw my husband's back facing me. I watched his side rise up and down as he breathed in and out and was suddenly overwhelmed. The tears just started to flow and I left them roll down my cheeks.
I was gripped with guilt and gratitude all at the same time. Guilt for what I can't give him and what I don't give him. Gratitude for everything he gives me. He is truly a calm in any storm. The kind, gentle, and steadfast spirit in this man is something I can only hope to emulate. I spend so much time gripped with anxiety and too often I take it out on him. I don't give back what he gives me.
He rolled over and put his hand on my arm. A simple touch from him always feels like a balm. My cracks and crevices are filled and I can relax for a bit. I whispered an "I love you" and went back to sleep, promising myself to show him more gratitude during the day and not just think about it while he's sleeping.
March 20, 2012
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I could have written this. I know exactly how you feel, especially the guilty feelings.
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Oh how special. I too know how you feel. Just this morning, my husband and I were talking and he admitted, "I don't know how much more disappointment I can handle." It nearly broke my heart!
ReplyDeleteThis post! This post! It's so vivid and true, and I'm sitting here reading it with tears in my eyes because ... yeah, it's like that.
ReplyDeleteI love this!
ReplyDeleteThat was really beautifully written. I feel the same way sometimes and I wish those grateful moments would last longer.
ReplyDeleteMy heart swells the biggest for my husband when I see him sleeping. It's like all the good he's done for me and all the let-down I've given him rises to the top of my chest and just pounds for him. I know the feeling exactly!
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