Drugs and Dates and Dudettes

First thing to note - whatever BCP I'm on - IT BLOWS!!! My boobs hurt so badly I have a sports bra on and last night I had a dream that was entirely about eating.  Plus, I have a headache.  C'est la vie, because...

We have a lift off date, people!!!

I finally have a dosage for my Follistim (200 iu in case you're dying to know) and we have a start date... which is an interesting day.

I'll start my Follistim two weeks from today.  I'll also turn 34 that day.

I'm choosing to see it as a good omen rather than a "What a shitty way to spend my birthday" thing.  What's really weird, though, is how transfer day potentially falls.  That puts us for a potential transfer day that falls on our first wedding anniversary.  I have mixed thoughts.  First, what a cool story to tell if it works.  Second, what a shitty thing to remember if it doesn't.  J says, "Who cares.  That day will forever be the day I married you and that's it."  He's so awesome.  I think I'll keep him.

I'm still scared shitless.  I'm afraid of all the hormones I'll be pumping into my body and I'm afraid it won't work.  I hate failing, and I've done nothing but fail since we started this whole thing.  But I'm trying to be positive.  Let's face it - I'm going to be a super disappointed shriveled mess if it doesn't work, so there's no use doing the "try not to get your hopes up" thing.  Might as well surround myself with positive, hopeful thoughts.

I'm giving a podium presentation at an international symposium (thankfully only 5 hours away from me this year) right after when transfer will fall.  Obviously - I have to go.  I was asking a coworker if she thought I should ask another coworker, who will be going with us and has done IVF, if she would do my PIO shots.  Now, this first coworker, we'll call her Anne, is a dear friend and someone I see as my cool aunt or something.  She jumped right in and yelled, "I wanna do it!" 

Me:  "Seriously?  You wanna shoot me in the ass?"
Anne:  "Hell yeah!  Hey, can I sign your butt too so J can find it?"

For all the bitching I've done lately, I do realize how lucky I am.  I was talking with a friend the other day who said, "I just want you to have a baby.  I want to wave a magic wand and make it all go away."  If there were ever a perfect thing to say, that would be it.  That's just the kind of girl she is.  She gets it.  I could have told her I was part alien and wanted to get back to my home planet of Gramork and she would know the right thing to say.  She just puts herself in someone else's shoes.  I could take a lesson or 12 from her.

I also get to meet a bloggy friend in real life for the first time tomorrow, so I'm way excited about that too! :)

Onward and upward.