The Mamma Person - Meaning My Mamma Person

I love my mom. I know I am a super lucky person in that respect, but my dad is a D-Bag to end all D-Bags.  I deserve an awesome mom.   So there.
One thing that I think is so important in the relationship between my mom and me is that I've learned that when I'm going through something, it is about her too. As much as I don't want to admit it, it is. When I got married, she was watching her daughter move to a totally different phase in her life, with some random dude, 1000 miles away. No easy feat. When I'm going through infertility treatment, she's watching me grieve, wondering if those cigarettes she smoked or those couple of glasses of wine she had when she was pregnant caused my infertility. She's also wondering if she'll get a grandkid out of us and I'm sure that has it's own emotional turmoil, just like our worries that we'll never have a child are... no fun to put it mildly.

I finally talked to her about my church issues. I know she was suspecting something because she kept asking if I was liking my new parish. I obviously only had lame things to say about it since I've been, like, twice in the last three months or so. So I finally fessed up, and told her that one of the reasons I'd stopped going (aside from the bawling in public factor) was because I'd read the directives from the USCCB.  She said some amazing things.  Among the best - a favorite new mom quote.  "It's not like they were handed down from Jesus Christ himself.  They were written by a bunch of old guys who don't even have sex.  At least they aren't supposed to."  Good point mom.  She reminded me that I used BCP knowing it was against my religion to do so and that I don't go to confession because I don't believe in it in the way the sacrament is presented.  She mentioned my rather liberal views on the LGBT community, the pro-life movement, and other things I tend to question from the church (Side note - if you read church teaching, the support of the LGBT community and "right to life" teachings regarding those already born are a truly beautiful part of Catholic social teaching - just not always followed as they are intended.  This is not meant to be a Catholic bash.).  My mom's argument was that I'm already a cafeteria Catholic, so why stop now!

I asked her how she felt when she was going through her divorce.  My father was abusive and they were married for 25 years.  They NEEDED to get divorced and would actually qualify for an annulment if my father would stop trying to block it by stating that he believes in the sanctity of marriage (his 20 years of cheating and 2 more divorces since would beg to differ, but that's another blog for another time).  My point in asking her was that when I'm in church, praying my knees off for a baby, I feel extra alone because I can't reach out to my faith community for support with the choices I'm making.  Didn't she feel the same way when she was going through her divorce?  She teared up and admitted that my brother once had to carry her out of mass because she was crying so hard.  But then she said something really important.

"You have to remember to separate your faith from your religion.  You need your faith right now.  It's what will hold you up.  Your religion is a separate matter.  You will find people in your faith community you can rely on, but it's not about religion.  It's about faith.  And right now I feel like that's the biggest gift I can give you in this."

And then she added, "Besides, the church sucks at science.  Look what they said about Columbus.  And they excommunicated that astronomy guy!"

Love my mom.

She reminded me that the biggest test is to ask myself if I'm being immoral.  Obviously, I don't feel that I am.  God gave us free will, brains, and science.  This is a medical issue for me, not a religious conundrum.

So I went to church last weekend.  And I got a little teary.  And Mr. Right came with.  And there was a little comfort in that.  It's a work in progress.