I'm making it a policy to not nod and smile when people say rude and insensitive things. People don't understand what it's like to deal with infertility and if we want to make it less shameful and more open, we need to advocate for ourselves. Part of that means not acting like a doormat when people are being ignorant.
Friend: Hey, how was the doctor?
Me: Not too bad. We learned about the meds and how to give shots.
Friend: Ugh. No fun. Hey, did I tell you about my friend's wife? Her epidural wore off and she needed a forceps birth. She said it was awful. So take your time with your shots there. Don't be in a hurry.
Come again? Take your time getting through painful, humiliating, sometimes emotionally crippling infertility treatment because giving birth hurts?
My real response: No, I'd take a forceps over all of this crap any day. You get to be a mom after the forceps.
I know I made her uncomfortable because she started nervously chatting about random things, but she still didn't apologize.
November 2, 2011
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I can't believe she said that to you, especially given that she asked in the first place. That's terrible.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm being charitable, I think that maybe some people are trying to be understanding but don't comprehend how painful this can be.
When I'm not, I think that some people are so seriously clueless in social situations that I wonder how they manage to buy bread every week.
Ugh. So annoying. I'm sorry. I get some of those insensitive comments too. I try to limit who I tell about our TTC challenges but it doesn't stop the comments...
ReplyDeleteSorry!
You have just discribed almost every conversation I have with my sister in law. I'm downright rude to her now when she makes comments like this, or about giving away her kids. She doesn't change her behavior but you better believe I feel better! It does make a big difference with nice people though, they realize they aren't being sensitive and work on it. I'm glad you stood up to her!
ReplyDeleteOh! I love that! Or when someone's child is slightly obnoxious and they say, "Want mine?" as if they are really going to give me a child, or as if someone else's child's behavior is going to be a deterrent to fertility treatments. Lord, people.
ReplyDeleteI love the "Want mine" comments. I usually say, "Yeah, sure!" then they look at me like I'm nuts. I feel like I've read a lot on the blogs lately about people fielding insensitive comments and then just taking it lying down. Not me! Way too Italian for that!
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