The BFF sent me a text yesterday. If you remember from here and here, she hasn't been so... supportive. The text said "How did the turkey basting go? I've been thinking about you, but I didn't know if I should call or not." I just wrote back, "Everything went fine. Call anytime. I'd love to talk to you about all this."
Well all be damned... SHE DID! And she had a cold and no voice. I gave her the low down on everything we've been through. I told her about how this has been the hardest year of my life. I attempted to describe what a BFN feels like month after month after month. She totally said the right stuff. Stuff like, "I can't imagine what that feels like. You know I'm nowhere near patient." Not once did she say, "It will happen" or give me advice. She just listened.
The weird thing was that it didn't feel cathartic for me. I have a few close IRL friends I talk to about it more than they probably want to hear. I have my husband and I have my blog friends. I feel like our relationship has been irreparably damaged by all this. I'm really glad that she's had a change of heart, but I feel kind of "too little too late," ya know? Is that weird or wrong?
January 12, 2012
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It's not wrong at all. My childhood best friend never wanted kids, so she doesn't understand why I don't "just adopt" (which she says nearly every conversation). She also doesn't miss a chance to say how wonderful it is that her little brother (who's 10 years younger than I am) is going to have a baby on my birthday (so great). So awesome. And yes, I'm a lurker. It's nice to meet you.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if it's one of those times where you wait to hear something from someone and when they finally say it, it just didn't have the impact you thought it would. Or you could just be drained from all the bullshit that's been going on and not really feelin it.
ReplyDeleteNot at all. Dealing with the ups and downs of infertility is hard enough. I think we should surround ourselves with people who are supportive and there for us.
ReplyDeleteHi. I'm delurking too. I totally get it. I have friends I can talk to about our infertility and friends I just can't. And don't want to because they've probably said stupid shit in the past. I think it's okay to be selective about who you confide in and who you don't. It sounds like you've done that, so good for you.
ReplyDeleteYay for the delurkers! Welcome!!! Glad to have you!
ReplyDeleteY'all are spot on. Totally how I'm feeling. Meh.
I have a friend like this too. We just had lunch yesterday and I can't tell if it's the turn around we needed or if it's just never going to be the same again because it's too little, too late.
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