A couple of lazy Sunday mornings ago, J and I were all snuggled up, trying to find a silver lining. We started talking about what our IF journey has taught us so far. If you think about it, it really is a crazy nutty ride that makes you think about things you've never even considered before.
For J, the big one was patience. He thinks he's learned how to wait for things he wants. I can't say I totally agree with him on this, but okay! He also said he's learned what despair feels like, which is probably not a silver lining.
For me, it's more about empathy. If there is one thing I know now, it's that I can't predict how I'm going to respond in a situation. I'll admit it - I was once one of those people who thought that if you can't get pregnant you should just adopt. Now that I can't get pregnant, adoption is the farthest thing from my mind right now. It might be something I consider later, but I'm not there yet. Since I saw this, I've realized that I can't judge people for their actions or lack thereof. I have no idea what else is going on in their life. I have no idea what it feels like to be in their shoes. I can take a minute to try, but unless I am that person in that moment, I just can't judge.
What lessons are you learning? And no, it doesn't have to be positive.
February 7, 2012
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Lesson 1: life doesn't care how much bad stuff has already happened to you, it will keep piling stuff on.
ReplyDeleteLesson 2: Be mindful of your emotions around other people. Not everyone can deal with a sobbing mess.
Lesson 3: I married the right guy. I couldn't get through this without him.
I hate being infertile, but I am so glad I have the blogging world.
It is some serious solace to learn you held out for the right one, isn't it?
DeleteHonestly the lessons you and your husband have described sit well with me. Patience, I never ever thought I would be able to wait as long as I have to have children, I insisted that if it took a year that we'd be on the adoption bandwagon. Like you I now realize that adoption is not necessarily an easier option. And empathy, to each his own, I am much less quick to judge others because I can't know what I would do unless I were in their situation.
ReplyDeleteAnd true grief, I've learned what it's like to live through true grief and I now know how very sheltered a life I've lived and how lucky I've been that at 30 I experienced grief for the first time.
Oh grief. I've had my share in the past and now I'm learning to get through it without tumbling into morbid obesity... like I did last time I met grief.
DeleteWhat a great post :) Thanks for sharing! I would say that my husband and I have also learned despair... And My hubby has the patients thing down, I on the other hand have a hard time finding it at times. Glad to have come across your blog!!
ReplyDeleteHi Crystal! Glad you found me! Look forward to catching up on your journey.
DeleteSome days I think I'm being pretty patient. Other days, not so much. I guess I've learned that I can handle the rollercoaster of emotions that goes along with IF, so far anyway. We still have a long way to go! But I've survived the ups and downs so far, with a lot of help from my amazing husband!
ReplyDeleteThank God for good husbands, right?
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