I end up getting pretty attached with the families I work with and there are over 600 of them. I work with kids and we all know that kids just say stuff. I'm often asked by my patients if I have any kids and when I say "no," they quickly follow up with "Do you want kids?" and I answer "Of course I do!" Sometimes they start asking stuff about when we will have a baby, blah blah blah. I'm pretty good at fielding them. This usually happens at least once a week and I have never had a parent redirect their child or mention that their questions about my reproductive status are probably inappropriate. It stings, but kids say stuff. I know it's just hard for them to figure out why this married lady who spends all day every day with kids wouldn't have one of her own.
I have a photo of J and I on my desk, of course. The other day one of the kids saw it and asked, "Is that your husband?" I said, "Yes it is." She noted, "You guys look different from each other." I just said, "We sure do. It's funny how that happens. Husbands and wives can look very different sometimes." She smiled and started to go back to her coloring when her mom jumped in with, "Janie*! That's not appropriate. We don't ask those kinds of questions." WHAT?!?!? Seriously - that was not offensive a comment - at all. Nor was it a question. Guess what! J and I DO look different and it isn't something you see every day. I felt like by her mom jumping down her throat she was sending a message that there was something wrong with interracial marriage and we shouldn't talk about it. It could have been a teaching moment, but instead it became something... weird. Have we just gotten out-of-control PC on the race thing? Was I supposed to be offended? It's not like she said he was funny looking, just that he looked different from me.
This isn't the first time something like that has happened. People feel the need to correct their kids when they comment on the fact that my husband and I are of different races, but not when they ask when I'm going to have a baby. Just so bizzaro. I'm way more offended and weirded out by questions from 6 year olds about potential uterine occupants than I am by a kid who notices that my husband is Asian and I am not. Just sayin.
*names have been changed to protect the innocent... or something like that.
February 24, 2012
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Aw, I think that is ADORABLE! I can't figure out why a parent would reprimand a child for a question like that, as you said, TEACHING MOMENT! What a wonderful way to bring up how OK it is to not be the same as everyone else!!! Ugh, parents are weird!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I don't know why parents assume that working with children is an invitation to ask about our reproductive choices/abilities. Somehow that's not rude. I've also gotten the follow-up question, "How old are you?" so that's fun, too.
ReplyDeleteWhen he was about 4, my nephew pointed out, "Mommy's black, I'm brown, Aunt -----'s white, and Daddy is...green!" I don't know where the green came from, but it was freakin' adorable. Kids are just honest, and parents need to stop freaking out about it!
I love that the kid used the word "different." Different is one of my favorite words!
ReplyDeleteYeah, that is hilarious. You DO look different, and that's okay! You're not embarrassed! By telling her kid it's not "appropriate" to mention, it's like saying there's something wrong and you're not allowed to point it out or talk about it. :/
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