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May 14, 2012

Negative

I just got the call that the test was negative.  Stop all meds and wait for my period.  I went ahead and POAS on Saturday, and I'm glad I did.  It helped soften the blow today.  It's strange.  I'm sad for the little embabies and so is J.  I know they were a tiny bunch of cells and I don't see them as people, but I do see them as living things that we created and now they're gone.  They didn't even have a chance to become people.

Part of me falls into the trap of "not meant to be."  I know that J and I would make good parents, but would we make a healthy baby?  If we can't get our sperm and eggs to play well together, is it wise to force it?  Are we tempting fate?  I know plenty of people have had crummy fertilization and have gone on to have healthy babies after ICSI, but we all know how it is when that little voice in your head starts talking to you.  And talking to you...  And talking to you...

I'm going to have some wine, and probably some ice cream, and try to buck it up tomorrow.
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21 comments:

  1. Mrs Green GrassMay 14, 2012 at 1:01 PM

    I'm so sorry Lisa. I totally get that voice in the back of your head. I personally do not have an issue with ICSI, but it's definitely not "natural." And it's really hard to keep going and going. I hope you and J are able to decide what's right for you both!

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  2. Just TMay 14, 2012 at 1:05 PM

    I am really sorry that your cycle didnt work. I also tested before recieving my negative and it did help me prepare some. It still hurts though. Definitely have a glass or two of wine.

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  3. The RedheadMay 14, 2012 at 1:11 PM

    I'm so sorry. . . Enjoy your wine and ice cream. ((((Hugs))))

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  4. Sara-LynnMay 14, 2012 at 1:29 PM

    Ah, blast! So sorry Lisa. Wish I could come enjoy a cup of wine with you.

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  5. BelleMay 14, 2012 at 1:43 PM

    *hugs* Lisa, I'm so sorry to read this. I understand the maybe it is not meant to be mentality. I went through this, too, when it came to choosing IVF. It is a tremendously personal decision that only you and J can make. I can tell you that no matter what you choose, or how many times you change your mind, we will be here to support you. In the meantime, enjoy your wine and ice cream. When I'm super gloomy, I crunch cookies up into my ice cream... I think you might deserve cookies, too. xoxo

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  6. unaffectedMay 14, 2012 at 1:45 PM

    Bah I'm so sorry. I was really hoping for good news. You will be in my thoughts.

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  7. dspenceMay 14, 2012 at 1:45 PM

    I am so sorry, Lisa.

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  8. Janet Off KilterMay 14, 2012 at 3:34 PM

    I know how much this hurts and I am so, so sorry you have to feel the same hurt. ((HUGS))

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  9. NepsiMay 14, 2012 at 3:37 PM

    I am sorry you got bad news :( Even with the POAS it still hurts to hear it for sure. Take care.

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  10. LauraMay 14, 2012 at 5:41 PM

    So sorry. Sending hugs!

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  11. AnonymousMay 14, 2012 at 6:50 PM

    So sorry. So sorry. You should drink ALL of the wine, and eat ALL of the ice cream, and give it a few days before you start thinkin about what's "meant to be." :-(

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  12. LanieMay 14, 2012 at 7:11 PM

    I'm so sorry it didn't work. I've definitely had (and still have)those thoughts about my eggs. Could this be a good one after so many bad ones, or did it just make it the longest so far? Follow your heart with your next steps. And wine sounds like the perfect next step to me! ;)

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  13. Shelley @ Tales from the Waiting RoomMay 14, 2012 at 8:24 PM

    I'm really sorry this cycle didn't work out for you guys. Thinking of you these next few days, hope you give yourself time to heal.

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  14. BWMay 14, 2012 at 8:47 PM

    I know how much it hurts. I am so sorry to hear this news. Thinking of you.

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  15. AmandaMay 14, 2012 at 9:10 PM

    I'm so sorry to hear this news. It must be devastating. Hoping you and J can turn to each other for comfort and find peace. *hugs*

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  16. LMay 14, 2012 at 9:45 PM

    Ohh, no matter how many times I read it from different blogs or hear it from differnt people, this news always makes me so sad. Hope you can take the next few days and really focus on yourself and building yourself back up. Thinking of you xoxo

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  17. DarylMay 14, 2012 at 9:55 PM

    Oh, Lisa, I'm so sorry. Wine and ice cream sound like a fantastic idea right now. Take all the time you and J need before making any decisions about the future, though. Thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs!

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  18. robinMay 15, 2012 at 12:06 AM

    I'm so sorry :( Be kind to yourself... (and enjoy the wine and ice cream) HUGS

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  19. LindseyMay 15, 2012 at 3:23 AM

    I'm so sorry. I wish there was anything I could say or do now to make this easier for you and j. Know I'll be thinking of you and praying for you.

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  20. Breathe GentlyMay 15, 2012 at 3:38 AM

    Let's face it, there's very little about IVF that's natural - but this is what we do. You will make beautiful parents, no matter how the child is conceived or gained. I'm so sorry for your negative. I'm right here with you in a similar boat if you ever need to chat - at any time! xxx

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  21. ChanelMay 22, 2012 at 8:02 PM

    I'm so sorry. I was hoping so much for this to be your positive. I am not sure about ICSI too. Have been thinking about what we would do when the time came. Hope you enjoyed good wine and ice cream. Thinking of you. xoxo

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