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I just feel... annoyed! By EVERYTHING! I don't know if it's because this is my first cycle med free in 6 months or if I've just hit the emotional wall, but I've HAD IT. With everyone and everything.
I'm tired of hearing about people's kids. Seriously. It's on my nerves. I know that we infertiles get a lot of smack about this subject, but here's the thing - IT'S WEIRD! I wouldn't sit with a bunch of people who are not audiologists and talk at them about psychoacoustics. It's rude. They can't join in the conversation. Not to mention the fact that it's boring drivel and who the hell wants to talk about psychoacoustics? So why are we, as people who do not have children, expected to sit and listen to people drone on constantly about every little thing their darling does?
I'm tired of smiling and pretending that I give a crap. I don't give a crap. I can't join in on the conversation. You just made me feel like a social pariah... again... because I can't try to top the dumb thing your kid said with the brilliant thing my kid said. All I can do is paste on a smile when I'm really doing is dying inside just a little more. Because this is 900th time that I've smiled and tried to be polite. This is the 736th time that I thought about saying something and having a conversation about kids and felt like a total poser. This is the millionth time I was reminded of what I need so deeply and can't have. I feel guilty for not wanting to talk about your kid, but why should I? You don't want to hear about how well my dog ate her dinner, do you? I didn't think so. Do you feel bad about that? I didn't think so.
I'm crabby and I'm not apologizing.
Oh yeah - I got ZERO phone calls yesterday. I called the RE today and he didn't call back. He called me first, for the love! Christ on a cracker.
Hey stopping by from ICLW. I cant relate to this post, I am also super crabby right now! BCP are making me nuts, I am gearing up for my first IVF cycle. Looking forward to seeing what is next for you.
ReplyDeleteHope you hear back from your RE soon! I would be going CRAY-ZY!
ReplyDeleteHear, hear! Sometimes I feel like just leaving the conversation. Yeah it will be rude but I don't really care. I hope your RE calls soon. Thinking of you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteStill no answer!!! No wonder why you're in such a yucky mood! Love your honesty in this post, I am pretty sure we have all felt this way...hope it gets better!!
ReplyDeleteTotally get this post... having to sit through those conversations is excruciating!
ReplyDeleteAll I have to say to this post is YES. Yes to it all.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll just start responding to pregnancy and baby talk with comparisons to my cats. That'll do it.
I'd love to see their faces if you mentioned your dog's dinner! Happy ICLWing.
ReplyDeleteI hear you. One of the things I'm most sad about lately is feeling left out - I don't have anything to contribute to the parenting conversations and it just feels awkward.
ReplyDeleteAlso, are you an audiologist? I'm an SLP!
Hooray for speechies!! Yup, I'm an audiologist - peds. You can talk talking with me anytime. :)
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