So Much To Blog, So Little Time

Ultrasound number 2 is tomorrow.  I'm finally a bit nauseous, so I'm hoping that's a good sign.  I'm still anxious as all get out.  Trying not to dwell.

First, the good stuff.  I MET PEOPLE!!!! J and I went to Dspence's house for a lovely dinner and Oscar watching fun.  Her daughter, Little K, was cracking us up.  It was so fun to watch the hubbys together.  AND I got together last week with two readers who live in the area.  I had so much fun.  We had some good laughs that I REALLY needed.  Send your good vibes to M, she's on her first round of IVF and has a retrieval up and coming!

Now, the not so good stuff.  The in-laws.  Yes we told them, yes they were excited, it was lovely, then all hell broke loose.

See, they live on the other side of the country.  This was their choice.  They moved not long after J finished college.  What's even worse is that despite having lived in the US for 35 years, they speak very little English.  It was full on Korean culture shock this weekend and I could NOT handle it.

The language barrier is huge.  J makes a point of only responding to them in English 1) in hopes of encouraging them to use it more and 2) so that I can at least get the gist of what people are talking about.  It would be exhausting for him to translate the whole time and I don't expect him to.  Let me tell you how much fun 4 days zero English being spoken in your own home is.  So I appreciate the effort he does make.  It doesn't really matter, though, because they keep talking in Korean and he keeps talking in English.  When they do talk to me, it's really basic.  We can't have a real conversation.

Culturally, we are not on the same page.  I am an extremely independent person.  My mother will be the first to tell you that I did not get to where I am in life with any help.  Interestingly, neither did my husband, so I can't figure out how they are they way they are.  As soon as we told them about Chipmunk, it was like I was totally incapable of functioning.  My MIL was taking broccoli from my hands when I tried to carry the bowl to the table.  She wouldn't pass me the vegetables at the table unless someone else carried it to me.  My MIL and FIL said that they didn't want me to go on the road trip to the family wedding that weekend.  It was 6 freakin hours and it was an opportunity to see my brother.  I was going dang it.  Then in the car, she kept talking for me.  "Lisa hot.  She have coat on."  Umm, if I were hot I would take my coat off and I would turn the heat down.  When J was holding on to my shoulder to stretch, she said, "Stop!  She no like that."  What the hell?!?!  When did I say I had a problem with my husband using me to balance?  She bought us some weird genetically modified cucumbers because she doesn't think I should eat cucumber seeds.  My FIL expressed his opinion that I should stay home and not work.  When we said that wasn't an option he said, "Maybe I retire.  Take care of baby."

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!!!

Thankfully, J put the kibosh on that one.

I know they mean well, and that in their culture wives don't generally speak for themselves.  They need to realize that despite their hopes, J married a white girl.  A very independent, liberal, mid-western, feminist, white girl with a doctorate and an opinion or two.

At the wedding, I talked with his aunts and uncles.  In English.  They all speak English.  It was lovely.  They remembered that my bother lived in the area.  They asked how my mom was.  I learned about his aunt's nursing career and how much she misses it.  I felt like I was getting to know these people and that's when it hit me.  The biggest issue with the language barrier is that my in-laws and I can't forge a relationship.  I worry that the same will happen with our child.  Their grandchild.  I know a lot about language acquisition and that it will be pretty much impossible for us to have a fully bilingual child with only one of us being bilingual.  Even then, J isn't really fluent anymore.  I would say that Skype and things like that would help, but they can't even get in a hotel room door.  Technology is not their friend.

I learned so much this weekend about what J's upbringing was like and it broke my heart.  What teenager has to talk to the landlord when his parents can't pay rent or help them figure out their bankruptcy legal woes?

I know this culture clash is only going to get worse and I don't know what to do about it.  Learning Korean is not a reasonable expectation and it doesn't solve everything anyway.  It's probably too late for them to really improve their English.  I guess we'll continue to flounder through the language wall as best as we can and I'll just have to show them that I wear big girl pants and can handle broccoli transport all on my own.

I won't tolerate listening to her call my brother-in-law "fat boy" for a whole weekend again.  That's just straight up mean.  And they wonder why he has no goals or expectations for himself.  Geez.