Ponderings...

While we were at church Saturday night (We've been going to that mass - less babies and less baptisms), the homily got me thinking.  The Gospel was about the Annunciation.  When the angel Gabriel came to Mary and told her she was in a family way with... you know... God.  No pressure.  So he started the homily talking about whether most of us, in Mary's position, would have been able to say "yes."  I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have.  If God had come to me and said, "So Lisa, the deal is you're going to be infertile.  Cool?"  I would have said, "Ummm, what's behind door number 2?"  Of course this goes back to the whole "God has a plan for you" thing and I'm still struggling with that. Do I wish I could say yes to whatever God asks of me, yes I do.  I guess I'm just not strong enough.  But the whole Mary discussion is really what got me thinking...

One of the things that is so frustrating about infertility is how everyone has an opinion that they feel the need to share.  That advice often ignores the fact that this is a medical issue.  "You need to relax." "If it's meant to be it will be."  "Maybe you are supposed to adopt." "Maybe you aren't supposed to have a baby."  There's this theme that your ability to procreate is completely in the hands of a higher power.  No one feels that way about cancer or diabetes or the flu.  You see a friggin doctor and you handle it!  No one thinks God made you diabetic because you aren't worthy of sugar eating.  But for some reason, people still seem to think that not being able to have a baby is a sign from God and plenty of people frown on infertility treatment.

A woman's reproductive system is this huge thing that society just can't separate from religion.  Maybe it's not so random.  Think about all the women in the bible who became pregnant because God made it that way... Sarah, Rachel, Rebekah, Hannah, Ann, Elizabeth, Mary... I'm sure there are plenty more.  Are these teachings where all of this nastiness stems from?  Does the story of Mary and Jesus - a story well known even if not believed by all religions - lead society to believe that God controls when and how women get pregnant?  I just don't understand it, and I'm the kind of person who needs to understand where people are coming from on things.  I guess I'm just feeling particularly antsy since I'm about to go spend the holidays with my super conservative midwestern family and I'm nervous about some aunt bringing up my empty womb status.

On a happy note - no period yet!  I've been spotting for four days, so I'm know she's coming, but as long as she holds off for another few hours, we have a snowball's chance of actually having an IUI this cycle.  As long as the cyst's gone that is.  And as long as my clinic is open on the days we need them to be open.  And as long as... one hurdle at a time!