Oh For Pete's Sake!

I switched over to Feedly and became a moron.  I would check it on my phone, and couldn't for the life of me figure out why I wasn't getting new posts.  I would click on "all" and it would always be the same posts.  Turns out that "all" is still sorted by topics and it was just that blogs in my "adoption" folder hadn't been updating.  So, I apologize for my lack of commenting - I still have no idea what's going on in your lives.  I will catch up right after I post this nonsense.

Let me begin the nonsense by saying that I do understand how completely blessed we are.  Our little Hapa seems to be doing great.  She always measures right on the dot.  Her heart rate is perfect, and she has all of her parts in the appropriate location and number.  My immune system, on the other hand, sucks at being pregnant.  

Since I hit the second trimester, I have had two UTIs, a colposcopy because of the sudden appearance of high risk HPV, and my asthma has flared up (it had been so long since I'd had an asthma issue that I didn't even have an active inhaler prescription anymore).  Today I was sure I was going in with no issues.  I was happily sitting on the table, telling the OB I had just met that I was feeling so great.  Then, just before she left I remembered that I needed to show her the sore that I had gotten from my sports bra.  That silly over-protective husband of mine wanted me to bring it up. Well, silly over-protective husband is wiser than I thought.  It wasn't a sore.  I FUCKING HAVE SHINGLES!  

Apparently this is rare in pregnancy.  Lucky me.  I have two areas of blister "chunks" and she could see more forming.  I'm on Valtrex so hopefully that will keep new ones from forming.  Chipmunk is fine and it shouldn't affect her at all.  I'm in some pain, but it's tolerable right now - except for a bra.  They are right where my bra strap hits (which it why I thought it was chub rub from my bra and not FUCKING SHINGLES).  I'm going to try to figure out how I can get by without wearing one because I just can't handle it.  I can work, I just can't see the little bitties who haven't been vaccinated yet.

The OB was playfully teasing me about all the random crap that has snuck up on me during pregnancy.  I said, "Well what other dormant viruses can I have pop back up?"  She said, "Shhh!  Don't say that out loud!" Truth is it does scare me.  I had a REALLY bad case of mono in high school.  Epstein Barr would not be a fun thing to see rear it's ugly head right now.

Like I said, I'm all too well aware of the horrible things that could be going on.  I know that we are so super lucky to have a healthy baby thriving and that anything that has happened to me has been benign as far as she's concerned.  But it's like I told J, "Why couldn't I be one of those people who had a happy-go-lucky pregnancy?"  His reply? "Because people who have happy-go-lucky pregnancies don't walk the kind of roads we walk."

Ah, my wise, over-protective husband.  I'm incredibly lucky to have him too.

Pregnancy Behaviors in the Male of the Human Species

There are anecdotal accounts in the literature of peculiar actions male humans exhibit when their female partners are in the process of gestation.  This case study presents an account of a male human whose partner is expecting a child following infertility and advanced reproductive techniques (ART).

Following confirmation of the pregnancy, the male partner's behaviors were not altered from the typical behaviors exhibited during the stimulation phase of treatment.  He continued to encourage his partner to eat nutritious food, drink plenty of water, and exercise when health allowed.  Following the Level II ultrasound, his habits began to change quite dramatically.

The first level of behavior observed involved mirroring of the symptoms in the female partner.  These may have been sympathetic responses, although most seemed to benefit the male rather than the female of the pair.  For example, the male partner craved chocolate milk and ice cream despite having a significant lactose intolerance.  He felt the need to indulge in these cravings despite the olfactory discomfort it brought his partner.  He also stopped using running as a form of cardiovascular exercise, instead choosing the accompany his wife on walks, citing fatigue as a confounding factor.  His midsection is now growing along with his wife's.  The male partner has also started itching, an ailment not noted prior to the pregnancy.

The second level of behavior was clearly protective.  The following have been noted:

• Changing the wife's sleeping position in the middle of the night, without her consent, in case she is uncomfortable.
• Using his hand as a human seat belt, even in unnecessary situations.
• Following behind her on the stairs at every opportunity.
• Insisting on pushing an empty shopping cart.
• Actually cleaning the bathroom.
• Bringing a night stick on evening walks in case there was a stray dog in the neighborhood.  When the wife noted that the water she carries would likely suffice should such a situation arise, he insisted on bringing the night stick "in case the dog is not a vampire."
• Changing dinner plans because he deemed the menu to be "different" than the wife's typical fare and hence a possible (if not imaginary) threat to the child.
• Refusing sex on the grounds of invading the child's space.  When reminded that the fetus was closed off in the uterus, he stated he saw the birth canal as a "demilitarized zone" and hence and inappropriate spot for his... member.

Since this is likely the only child for the couple and conception was an emotional, expensive, and difficult endeavor, it is the opinion of this author that the behaviors noted above are heightened from that of a typically fertile couple.  Patterns involving same sex couples should be examined in future studies.

Our Chipmunk is...

A Chipette!

The ultrasound was great.  She has all of her parts in the right place, number, and structure, and her parts seem to be functioning well.  She was a squirmy little worm and the tech was chuckling at how wiggly she was.  I do have a low-lying placenta, but they aren't concerned.  I just get to go back for another ultrasound in 10 weeks to make sure it moved up.  No biggie!  My mom and I had an awesome day today.  We would suddenly realize something we'll be able to do with our little Hapa and we would cry.  Or we'd pick up a sweet little piece of clothing and we'd cry.  So much to tell, but right now, I'm going to enjoy my family.

Enlightened or Clueless

Today, I'm trying to keep it together.  Probably about 70% of my patients are on Medicaid, which means I see more than my fair share of rough family situations, but this year has been extreme.  We've had two parents die in motorcycle accidents, numerous kids taken from homes due to parental drug use (the vast majority of these kids have been home when the raids occurred, we've learned), and today we had our second parent murdered.  This is just since 2013 began.  In both situations, the parent was murdered by the child's father and in both situations, the kid was in the house when it happened.  I wish I had some words of deep thought or wisdom in this sort of situation, but I'm still just reeling.  I haven't the slightest idea what to do for this kid, besides making sure the family has all the equipment needed for hearing since the house is a crime scene and they can't go in.  See, this is why I always find out about these situations as they are unfolding.  The kid is ripped from the home, usually from bed in the middle of the night or early morning, and they can't hear because they don't wear their processors while sleeping.  The house is locked up, and no one can effectively communicate with the kid to tell them what's going on, because the stuff that lets them hear is in the house.  We get a phone call asking for loaner equipment from a family member or foster parent.  It's all just too unfathomable to me and really weighing on me.  I just don't know how to help.  I feel so useless.

On another note, one of my coworkers sent around some stupid video.  Maybe you've seen it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olSyCLJU3O0  Please note, if you not in a good place infertility wise, do NOT watch this video.  Just know that it's one of those, "motherhood is such a joy, cherish every moment, lalalalalala" movies.  First of all, I think I was supposed to feel privileged to have been let in on this email.  The note attached said something about being busy in motherhood, including those who have a little one on the way.  Since I was the only pregnant person in the cc list, I guess that was me.  Um, am I in the club?  I don't want to be in some weird exclusive club.  Everyone mothers and everyone could appreciate something from this movie... maybe.  It also hit me that there is only one person in my office with lady parts who is not a parent/expectant parent and that made it seem particularly shitty to me.  Anywho, so I watched the video, and maybe the exclusivity of begin let in on this wonderful video of wisdom made me a bit jaded while I was watching it, but good Lord what it an eye roller to me.

Yet again I was able to feel thankful for our infertility journey.  Being in the muck of it sucks so horribly badly, but I knew I was learning and still am learning so many valuable lessons.  I just couldn't help watching this and wondering how in the hell this woman and all of her adoring followers holding so intently on her every word, could have possibly gotten this far in life without learning the same lessons.  It took raising children for you to learn how little control you had over others?  You had to watch the kids grow up and leave the house before you figured out what a precious gift each little moment with them was?  I can guarantee you I will not take butterfly kisses, stubbed toes, broken hearts, bedtime stories, or dance recitals for granted.  I think a piece of me will even rejoice when my teenager gives me a big fat "I HATE YOU!"  So thank you, endometriosis, for helping me see so many gifts in life, and for helping to keep my blind stupidity about life to a dull roar.

Did I miss something in that video?  Maybe I missed something.  Please feel free to point it out if I did.  I could always learn some more life lessons.

Knowing Enough To Be Dangerous

My dreams of late have calmed down some.  In the first trimester there was an epic tale every night.  Of course none of my dreams were the "super cool fun sex dreams" my girlfriends told me to expect in pregnancy.  No, mine were more of the miscarriage, infant death variety.  It was 10 weeks of nightmare-ville.

They've slowed down, but when I do get them, they are not at all joyous or fun.  Last night was a prime example.  With our ultrasound coming up, I'm getting anxious.  My anxiety is higher for two reasons.  The first being that I know too much.  I know just enough to be dangerous.  I have over 900 deaf children on my caseload and deafness often comes with a lot of other things.  Things that could be seen on an ultrasound at this point.  You name it, I've seen a kid with it.  When I see a kid with some syndrome or anomaly,  I learn about it. This is backfiring on me.  The second reason for my anxiety is that my mother is flying in and coming with us.  This is great in theory!  Except for the part where she is SO excited about finding out the gender that she can't think of anything else.  I have to keep reminding her that the main point of this ultrasound is to check out ALL of Chipmunk's parts.  Not just the plumbing.  I have to tell her that asking the tech to do something silly to share the gender with us is really not a good plan since she's going to be measuring kidneys and such and I'd rather she concentrate on that.  I feel like a B crushing her little plans for fun, but I have to remind her that this is a Level II ultrasound.  There is this pessimism about me.  So many eggs wouldn't even fertilize.  Only one of nine embryos transferred stuck around.  How can this one possibly be really and truly chromosomally hunky dory?

So last night I had a dream that my baby had holoprosencephaly.

Don't look that up.

Where are those fun sex dreams again?